Do you want your prayers to be answered?
In my own personal experience and that of others, perhaps on the surface, the answer is yes however deep down the answer is no.
At first glance seems to be a bit ludicrous to be praying in the first place if you don’t even want your prayer to be answered. While yes, at the conscious level we do indeed want our prayers to be answered favorably, however unconsciously, upon further investigation we do not want it to be so.
This is because of the ever cunning-baffling-and powerful ego. Ego is in its simplest definition, is personal identification. Ego becomes attached to any identity no matter how horrible the identification may be.
Ego only sees an opportunity to say;
this is ME, look at ME, I am dying of a terrible disease!
This attachment is something the ego cherishes deeply and will fight viciously to retain. Seems insane when you look closely at the truth of it doesn’t it? That’s because the ego is insane, believing completely in its sanity. The bad news is that all illusions are believed to be truth, and therefore we act on bad information believing it to be true, and we create hell on Earth for ourselves and others. The great news is that the ego is the result of a split mind and is itself not real. Ego is simply a belief in an illusion, which can be undone.
So, when you are dying of a terminal illness, ego becomes innately attached to the identification of a dying person, with no understanding that when the person dies so does the ego, and so it sees to completion the dying person identification. Insanity ruling every step of the way. The important thing to remember is that the unconscious mind is far more powerful than the conscious mind, and will therefore overrule your conscious thought or prayer that is saying; yes I do want to be healed.
My personal experience attesting to the truth of the truth to this insane operating modem, is that I (ego) became deeply entrenched in the role of a victim. After being declared a “permanent medical reject” by the military at the age of seventeen, I felt as though my world had been swept out from under me and could not at that time conceive of an alternate plan. So. I fully under the command of ego became absolutely attached to the identification of a victim. I thought God had played a very cruel joke on me.
For the next more than a quarter of a century played this role to perfection. Had Oscar’s been awarded for this, I would have won it hands down. The insanity of this is that what you believe in the inner realm of mind must be supported and validated in the outer physical realm. Therefore at an ever increasing volume more and more experiences appeared in my world to substantiate my unconscious and conscious belief that I was the lead “victim” in the grand play of life. I came to revel in the role of victim. It totally pissed me off that you did not buy into it and so I came to hate you for your indifference. This of course further cemented my belief in victim-hood.
None of this has anything to do with truth.
Of course this does not matter in the slightest to ego, since ego not being real/true cannot recognize truth. Know this; to the insane insanity appears sane. Yup, I just called myself insane. For that more than a quarter of a century I was totally insane. The first step in healing is to recognize there is a problem. So, even though painful, it is a pain that is to be celebrated. I had to first realize the insanity that was ruling my mind and therefore all of my decisions, therefore my life.
From here I can now say, yes I do want my prayers to be answered in the positive. In effect now the prayer becomes one of unraveling the identification of victim, or dying person, or whatever your negative identification is, which will allow you to see the truth of wholeness and having the power to change the course of your mind and life.
On a practical level begin to interrogate your thoughts. Ask is this thought and belief true? Ego will immediately answer loudly “Yes.” Go deeper, require actual proof of trueness, not just a voice in your head saying yes.
You and I are more powerful than you and I know.
Under the spell of ego we create misery. Ego’s mantra is “seek but do not find.”
Only in truth will you create happiness, wholeness, peace, and abundance.